The Darwin Dilettantes are the touring arm of the Darwin “Eagles” Cricket Club, the premier cricket club of Australia’s, Northern Territory. The Dilettantes have been gracing the fields of Chiang Mai’s Gymkhana Club since 1991, having taken home silverware on five occasions. In 2015, to celebrate the Dilettantes 25th year in Chiang Mai, those who had toured a minimum of 10 tours were awarded their Life Membership, inducted into the “Bask of Dilettante Aristocracy (BDA)” & will forever hold the title of “Lord .............. of the Dilettantes” & proudly boast post nominals of BDA.
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Allan Spring (Springy-Thai) – Tour 8
– Dilettantes Tourist # 78, Player # 57
The Thai language is a majestic language, one of multiple tones & dialects, one that takes dedication should one wish to master it. But why go to such lengths when you can simply develop your own special dialect? With each beer consumed, Allan’s fluency in what we have dubbed “Springy-Thai” comes to the fore, an ever evolving language of harmonic tones & school girl pitches. Not the only pitch Springy has control of however. He can actually handle the willow & bowls handy “nude nuts”. One of the few Dilettantes with some cricketing ability. Oh, & a subtle warning, men sometimes wear dresses in the Kingdom!
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Gary Hancock BDA (Lord P-Sek LoSo of the Dilettantes) – Tour 15
– Dilettantes Tourist # 40, Player # 34
LoSo has enjoyed the highs & lows of touring Chiang Mai since the tender age of 18, be that hospital admissions, world class hangovers &/or near death experiences…… can’t think of any lows! Then there is the cricket. Has done it all from bowling a maiden to being hit out of the Province three times in an over whilst in his prime by a Sth African pensioner (RIP Terry Eckstein), has made runs & also contributed substantially to the Duck Lady’s cause!...... once again, can’t think of any lows! 20 years later, desperately looking to take up a spectator’s role but in true Dilettante fashion, remains one of the youngest on tour so dons the whites yet again. Studying “his diploma” in Thai language, he can pretty much get himself into & out of trouble whilst in the Kingdom. Has brought his mum on tour this year so she can meet the relatives!
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Jack Bendall (Penguin) – Tour 5
– Dilettantes Tourist # 99, Player # 75
The Penguin returns to Thailand but in a dangerous head space. He has now got a sufficient number of tours under his belt to be comfortably familiar with the Kingdom (has now cracked the Dilettantes top 20 tourers list), providing an extra air of invincibility. “Don’t tell me, I know boats!”. So look out Thailand, here he comes with experience, youth, attitude, swagger & ……..WAIT A MINUTE, he has brought his new girlfriend on tour! Take that all back, game over. In between visits to temples, elephant rides, markets & shopping centres, we hope to see him grace the fields of the Gymkhana Club as the Dilettantes go to fielder. Perhaps we can entice his tour partner to bat & bowl for him as it would surely improve his averages to date!
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Johnny Boxer (Cult Hero) – Tour 3
– Dilettantes Tourist # 106, Player # 78
“Here’s Johnny!!” The Dilettantes resident Jack Nicholson lookalike returns to lead the Dilettantes bowling attack, well, he should with his physical stature but in reality “powder puffs” come to mind. Age being a determining factor in his selection. Holds a cult hero status in Coleraine, a small country town in Victoria. Reports have it that he has been seen strutting his stuff up the main street “Bee Gees – Staying Alive” style. Tried something similar in Chiang Mai’s number one nightclub only to have to be carried out having been drunk under the table by a number of the poo-ying cricket guides. For one of the younger of the Dilettante brigade, the Boxer can sport some of the better hangovers!
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Paul Bicknell (Bicks Jnr) - Tour 2
- Dilettantes Tourist # 52, Player # 43
A late starter, the younger brother of Dilettante founder Bickers has a fine Chiang Mai Sixes record to uphold. In 2003, Bicks Jnr famously spent $1000 to fly into Chiang Mai from Hong Kong on short notice to face just one ball........ stumps everywhere. It has taken 13 years to talk him out of international cricket retirement. Selectors will have to consider carefully whether to give him a chance to redeem himself as his current record is too good to ruin by having him score a run. Although, two ducks from two balls would be just reward for taking the gamble. Bicks Jnr may opt to not put himself up for selection however, as he has been quoted in the past as saying "why let cricket ruin a perfectly good Asian holiday experience?" His argument has merit!
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Pete Overall (Undies) – Tour 1
– Dilettantes Tourist # 109, Player # 80
Summonsed to Thailand by his mate the Heavy Hammer, Undies comes to the Kingdom with massive shoes to fill. The last bloke invited along by the Heavy Hammer had his passport stripped by Thai immigration. Proven to be a very honest man as he openly admitted to being a long time mate of our skipper. Obviously a naturally gifted sportsman, having hailed from the glory years of the mighty Strathalbyn Football Club……. what? You haven’t heard of Strathalbyn either? Oh, I digress. In true Aussie logic, Overall became Under-all & what is under all your overalls? Your Undies!
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Robert John Steedman - Tour 1
– Dilettantes Tourist # 110, Player # 81
Bob is the old man of the tour, a virgin at the tender age of 65. Apparently Bob has noticed that his passport has been stamped by the Australian Government “feel free to keep him”, so he comes to Thailand with some reluctance. Bob has kindly volunteered to wear our team’s heart rate monitor during the tournament to further the scientific knowledge of cricket’s effect on the body. Will be interesting to see the results, early betting indicates though that we may see a higher heart rate during the evenings when in bed, as opposed to any exertion we may see on the pitch.
Batting wise well we really aren’t sure why he bothers taking a bat to the crease, in fact we are not sure he knows what it is for to be honest. Bowling wise we need a priest to give the last rites to the ball before he bowls it ( it would be cruel on the ball not doing so, given the punishment we know is coming its way when released). If you see Bob late at night ask him to show you his tattoo.
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Roger Weckert BDA (Lord Heavy Hammer of the Dilettantes) – Tour 17
– Dilettantes Tourist # 48, Player # 40
In Darwin cricketing circles, Roger is the club’s young blokes link to yesteryear. A walking museum with his old Grey Nichols bat held together with tape & pads with metal buckles, circa 1970’s. Not sure if he still sports open palmed gloves with rubber nipples on the back?! Fighting the urge to regrow the ‘Mo’ & a love for bad Hawaiian shirts, youngsters are also introduced to the 1980’s classic TV show, Magnum. With a love for all things yesteryear, he will be the one wearing a previous year tour shirt to functions. At home on a beach in Koh Samui, Roger has mastered his use of the Thai language & is quite fluent, but only in the words “yen-yen”. Hell hath no fury like a Roger with a warm beer! Will lead on field again with his whippy one step darts & textbook batting. Hope he has recovered from running a five last year!
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Troy Harvey (Ha-Sip Ha-Sip) – Tour 2 (Tour 19 in total)
– Dilettantes Tourist # 57, Player # 47
Rewind back to the year 2004. A young Troy Harvey, having attempted to negotiate the Malaka’s blender in the pool at the Porn Ping, managed to fall UP & OUT of the pool & roll guts up into the garden bed. This is when the Dilettantes swooped with their recruitment drive, sighting the arrival of the chosen one, the one who will bring balance to the Force! So the prophecy was fulfilled in 2005 as he donned the Dilettantes colours. 11 years on, nothing can be remembered of Troy’s Dilettante debut (perhaps that makes it a great tour!). Having outlasted the rest of the Yarrambat team & with yet another prophecy calling, this time in the way of injuries. An inability to stay on a bike & now surgery to both hands (to remove them from his …..),Troy returns to the Dilettante fold once again. With a broken collar bone & no hands, Troy should be a suitable Dilettante batsman & wicket keeper!
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Chris Heron BDA (Lord Wally Bird of the Dilettantes) – Tour 21
– Dilettantes Tourist # 9, Player # 27
Wally never does anything in halves, so if you are going to miss a tour, why not make it a big one? Like the Dilettantes 25th anniversary tour! The funny part is that it was for a reason that many a mere mortal has succumbed to, required attendance at a steady 9 to 5 job! Back to normal this year, lounging around the house in the guise of self-employment, Wally will grace us with his presence ever so fleetingly as he believes he comes best served in quality not quantity. Not aging well, having had two 50th birthdays in recent years, he doesn’t look a day over 62. Rumoured to have given away playing cricket. Appearances suggest it’s simply due to his whites not fitting anymore. Not sure the Thai laundry is to blame either!
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Darwin The Dilettante (Team Mascot) – Tour 2
The dapper reptile proudly strutted his stuff at last year’s cocktail party, announcing his arrival by tearing up the red carpet, stealing the lime light, posing for photos with all of the Poo-Ying Su-ay, beating up Yarrambat’s Batman & flying the Dilettante flag with aplomb………… then late one night, went MIA. The End!!....... or so we thought!!
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Glen Cameron (Pouch) – Tour 8
– Dilettantes Tourist # 79, Player # 58
Annually, Pouch finds himself in a unique situation, actually being pushed out the door by his wife, being told to “go, just go, get it out of your system!”. Not sure what ‘it’ is he is getting out of his system whilst he is in Chiang Mai but there would be many a bloke wishing they had been set such a task by their beloved. With a left & right of arc so wide they nearly meet each other, any mischief Pouch gets up to can be explained away with “my wife made me do it”. Not the most graceful mover when going from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’, it is thankful that he will not be gracing the fields of the Gymkhana Club!
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Greg Bicknell BDA (Lord Bickers of the Dilettantes) – Tour 23
– Dilettantes Tourist # 1, Player # 1
Rarely seen in Darwin these days as he spends all of his time travelling in an official capacity. Surely a week spent in the comforts of his own home would be welcomed rather than participating in the revelry that is the Chiang Mai Sixes BUT here he is yet again! It wouldn’t be a Dilettantes tour without our “founder” on board. With a couple of virgin tourists on tour, Bickers comes into his element, summonsing some sort of Jedi mind trick to subtlety influence ones’ decisions, always to the amusement of regular Dilettantes. Having pulled on the whites last year to celebrate the Dilettantes 25th anniversary tour, it is safe to assume they were not packed for this trip with R&R firmly in mind!
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Marion Hancock (Maz) – Tour 1
– Dilettantes Tourist # 111
As the one that gave life to one of the greatest Dilettantes, P-Sek LoSo (if not for a known father it could be said he may have been conceived by the midichlorians), “Maz” should be held in great esteem. With a love of cricket & being prone to knocking back a beer or three, the Chiang Mai Sixes should suit. Given a week at a cricket tournament, there is every chance that all involved will have had a chat with Marion by weeks’ end. Keen to see what her son has raved about for 20 years & to meet the extended family, this trip is sure to be a cultural eye opener yet a most enjoyable experience!
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Mark Staude (Staudie) – Tour 7
– Dilettantes Tourist # 84, Player # 62
The only one of the contingent from Coleraine, Victoria that has actually been to Darwin. Staudie occasionally gets up to the Top End to have a flutter on the nags at the Darwin Cup. The only other time he ventures out the front gate of the farm is when he is off to Chiang Mai. Gives it a nudge whilst in the Kingdom, so much so, he has been known to go missing on the farm after his return, only to be found weeks later still asleep under a tree whilst he recovers. For a talented farmer, he makes a sh*thouse mathematician. Just ask him how many beers actually make up a carton. Has no intention of stepping foot onto the cricket field, yet is so dedicated to the cause, last year he actually missed his own daughter’s 21st to support the team. Should he be called upon to put on the whites, the Dilettantes are in trouble!
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Simon Fry (Fat Controller) – Tour 8
– Dilettantes Tourist # 80, Player # 59
It can be truly painful watching the big fellas’ week in Chiang Mai play out. Like clockwork, the annual cycle repeats itself. After a couple of days of revelry, with feet that have swelled to biblical proportions, the big bear hibernates, only to surface after a couple of days with renewed gusto. This is when all of Chiang Mai are alerted to his presence as he proceeds to belt out some of the loudest renditions of Tom Jones’s “DELILAH” & a whole range of terrible songs that no one knows, with the most god awful video clips to match. One young Thai waiter can attest to the power of his voice as he provoked a roar like a “Wookie with a sore paw” when he inadvertently topped up his vodka sprite with water. To this day, possibly the funniest thing one has ever witnessed. Imagine if Simon had to actually fit in some cricket during the week?!
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Steve Tatzenko BDA (Lord Tatzy Tuk-Tuk of the Dilettantes) – Tour 14
– Dilettantes Tourist # 35, Player # 29
The legend that is Tatzy was built on reputation over 12 years of touring Chiang Mai from 1995 to 2006. The Dilettantes “pinch drinker”, he took on & matched, if not beat the likes of Wally Pohl (Slammer!) & the Malaka’s (Blender!). A hotel room was only a place to keep his bags as he would hold up a bar for days, drinking with team mates as they showed up to drink in shifts. His introduction to his padawan learner, LoSo was akin to “Obi Wan Kenobi, meet Anakin Skywalker”. Suddenly, like Luke Skywalker, Tatzy disappeared & retreated to his “Jedi Temple” in the outer suburbs of Darwin. Having guaranteed his presence in Chiang Mai the past five years, Tatzy has only managed to show up once, so we wait with baited breath yet again. With a couple of virgin tourists this year, Tatzy’s off field tutorials will be keenly sought after!