TOKYO DINGBATS limping forth for their maybe 15th tour. As a reward for their outstanding 2018 tour, where they managed to lose to SaPa before stumbling out of the finals with a dead rubber win over the Floggers, The Couta Group are again their sponsors. A trifecta of virgins in the line-up, champagne on ice could a real possibility. Dingbats are a genuine chance for some silverware this year, most likely adorning their wrists and ankles courtesy of the Men In Brown. Yarrambat couldn't survive Curly's poisonous influence in 2017, so a leadership spill can't be far off for the Dingbats.
Join the Dingbats for a quite beverage at 2gether Bar, their new home away from home away from home.
Born and raised in the bohemian metropolis of Port Augusta, Nikka turned out balanced and righteous individual. Punching well above his weight in the marital stakes, Andy is a mild mannered long distance truckie. For a bit of excitement in his life, Nikka loves nothing more than working on the taxes of Adelaide's motorcycle enthusiasts. He must be good, because he keeps getting invited to BBQs. Still has nightmares about dingo traps. And champagne. Will be monitoring other tourists' interaction with that vice.
A veteran, a wicket keeper, a ring-in, and a big big man with a big big thirst. We dug deep into the Book Of Nicknames (Australian edition) bypassed all the toothpaste references and came up with: Brett-O. O could be his batting average, or the number of catches he will take. It could also be a pictorial representation of his physique. Bretto bears a passing resemblance to Burnsy, but is a far better bloke and cricketer, and a way better commentator. Not just a Chiang Mai or Thai virgin, Bretto is a virgin passport holder. Those Andy Hall walking tours could be interesting.
Those of you that missed Curly as his appallingly munted worst last year, don't worry he is back. With no Marty standing between him and the Smirnoff, brace yourself for the sight and sounds of Curly, whites around his ankles, brain gone walkabout sprouting on about candygrams for Mr Mungo. There is a good chance Curly will finally be amongst the runs this year- he is coming via India.
What a man does in his private time is his business, but Shorty has been warned about bringing his perversion to the tent. I am of course talking about gin. To a fine session. Not cool. We all do some pretty daft shit in Chiang Mai, but once is enough. No, it was once too many. How a smooth talking, fashionable young man got mixed up with the Dingbats from Tokyo is lost in the fog of Smirnoff, but until we get Max back, Matt is as close as we come to a cricketer. Seriously though, gin slammers?
Another one of those blokes with a deep cultural connection with Japan, gained through maid cafes and Redtube. A star (you did say star, Matt?) of the Bangkok League, Paul will be relied upon to get the runs and wickets that no-one else in the squad will. Despite residing in Thailand, PJ is still a Chiang Mai virgin, so with Andy Hall looking to walk the moat late at night, a bit of dishwashing liquid on a slip and slide is the least of his worries. That's him on the left.
A sparky by day, and when full of juice and told that's a dumb idea, by night a legendary barefoot skier. A bloke's bloke, fond of a few too many, a big night and a free room to sleep it off at the local establishment. Memorabillia suggest he was once a cricketer, before knee, shoulder, elbow and eyesight gave up on him. Will fit in well with the rest of the broke down Dingbats. A Chiang Mai virgin that doesn't drink champagne hopefully that doesn't change. Probably see him late at night in the moat with rope attached to a tuk tuk.
2gether Bar & Restaurant
Pascal and Mai know a lot more about good food and hospitality than they do about cricket- their 2gether Bar & Restaurant in sponsoring the Dingbats! 2gether not only has great hosts and staff, European and Thai food, and pool tables, but also boasts a genuine Italian Pizzaiolo (that's pizza chef, y'know) making the best pizzas in town.
Join The Dingbats as they toast another unsuccessful day on the field!
2gether Bar is a short stagger from all the team hotels, near Kalare Night Bazar.
The Tokyo Dingbats are again sponsored by The Couta Group, having performed so well and worked so hard in 2018. Dingbats are proud to be supported by "the name behind the plumber's preferred Pex range". A logical fit, as our cricket is down the S-bend, and our dreams are down the drain. Couta's generous CEO Gavin Shaw can be found in the umpires' tent with a white cane and a guide dog, though you may need to speak up.
It is with great sadness we confirm that everyone's favourite Dingbat won't be present this year. Marty's absence will leave a whole in the void of the Dingbat soul, and there'll be a few ladies unable to make the rent. So why no Marty? Has his body fallen apart? Yes. Shoulder, hamstring, gut, brain, all written off. But that's not why he's not coming. The real reason is far more concerning: Marty lost Spank The Monkey!
As much as we love him, he'll be in a whole lot of trouble for that!
Spank The Monkey
Expect to see Dingbats' Spank The Monkey all week. He is the best looking and most intelligent Dingbat on tour. And their best cricketer too. Spank gets to spend the day with the Dingbat who leads the way with their creativity, merriment and entertainment. With his 3 best friends from 2018, Marty, Zulu and Pete absent, we reckon Curly could be the main Spank Master this year.