A bit of an unknown is Damo: he actual plays cricket.... in Tokyo. Claims to have been to England, which automatically makes him better than any Aussies. A definite all-rounder- all round cow-corner, all round Spiceys and all round the rest of town, we expect. Bats a bit, bowls a bit, breaks the odd rib (his own sadly). The Sixes format should suit his style- less fielders for him to collide with. Sure to join the Dingbat Hospital Club. Ask about his Wattlesprigs Tour, which we expect involved pleasant afternoons picknicking under wattle trees.
Some compare Curly to the great Sachin Tendulkar: it's time they both retired. At 16, Tendulkar stood up to the great West Indian fast bowlers of the 90s; Curly was felled by a 16 year old Thai bowler in the low 90s. Frequently carries his bat, much to the annoyance of his more able team-mates. Thinks 12 not out after 5 overs is good. Curly is generally at his most devastating come Wednesday, devouring the pig picking buffet with the same enthusiasm park cricketers destroy his bowling. Despite being a pre-game warm-up recidivist and a slow learner, Curly is an asset to any team he plays against.
Murray, Barney, Marty, oi you....call him what you will, and be fined for it. Living proof that running twos is a health hazard, Marty has taken the art of injury to new heights, managing to end his last tour in the very first game. Just as well for us, as he was replaced by someone 30 years his junior with superior cricketing skills. Not sure if this is his 10th, 9th or 8th tour, as he can't count. But he does know he has been on them all. Laid-back and un-fussed, unless you are asking where to find an ATM, the answer will be "I dunno. Why you asking me?"
One of the many injury-induced inclusions in the 2012 squad, young Max was a stand out performer with the bat and ball. Showing up his older, slower team-mates, at 12 years old, Max dismissed his first County batsman. The youngster forms a vital part of the Dingbats' plans. Not because he will do most of the running, scoring and wicket taking (which he will); the tri-lingual son of English and Brazilian parents, he is the ultimate chick magnet.
A local addition to the Dingbat battalion, Monty is one of the better cricketers in the squad. As long as he stays fit that is, and generally that isn't very long. A batsman in the Virender Sehwag mould: short, bald, and no footwork. Capable of some nimble footwork after-hours, and a talented pool hussler, but a certainty to pass out in at least one fine session. At the time of writing Chiang Mai talent scouts were circling, picking at the carcass of the Dingbat squad, tempting Monty with stories of cricketing glory and halal fine sessions.
Has had more tours than he has played games. Probably because he is smarter than the rest of us. Has mastered the art of staying quiet in a fine session without getting fined for being too quiet. Misses Barbara more than anyone else, because when the Dingbats get injured, Paul gets thrown the whites, which makes it hard for him to avoid getting fined. Does his bit to keep the tobacco farmers in business.
Beneath that calm exterior and the Steven Segal pony-tail, is a man who once hip and shouldered the President of the Japan Cricket Association during a game. Most of us wondered why we'd never done it ourselves. Rumour is that Phil brings more to the cricket field than his Aussie Rules skills. A bottle of vodka would be good. Has forewarned us of dodgy hamstrings, an encouraging sign of a cricketer who takes time to prepare his excuses. Lucky Phil's time spent teaching in Lamphun gives him a bit of local knowledge, but when it comes to fines, a virgin is still a virgin.
The Quiet Achiever is hoping to grab a few days leave from the dubious occupation of Priest Impersonator -or wedding celebrant as Reggie prefers- and join the boys for a few celebrations of his own. Seems to think he just turn up, quietly sip his Malibu & Pineapples and not disgrace himself on the field, but the Dingbat injury curse will have a surprise in stall for him.
A legendary figure that stalks the forests by night, scaring villagers and eating their livestock? Probably. Not because of the nick-name, Yeti, but because he is a mate of Marty, so what more can we expect? Cricketing pedigree hopefully better than his Tibetan big-foot namesake, or at least better than Marty would do. Though if it is, he will be showing up his team-mates. Trackers have been unable to locate the Yeti, so like most big-foot sighting, this Yeti could also prove a hoax.