A vice-like grip on The Plate going back to 2019 looks set to come to a spectacular and humiliating end for the Tokyo Dingbats. Three years older, and three years further from the long-forgotten mediocre best, even the return of Chiang Mai’s most handsome man, Max Coombes won’t save this lot from themselves.
Without the calm and sensible hand of Marty on the vodka pour, chaos, anarchy and lame fines will reign in the tent. Without the wise guidance of elder Paul, expect reckless disorder. Without Jarrad, expect no bats to be thrown. Without a miracle, expect Curly to be skipper.
No maidens, lots of wides, big heaves, missed catches, dribbling down leg, and the odd chucker. Things will be worse on the cricket field.
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Between fiddling the tax returns of some of Adelaide's more colourful identities, and driving road trains, Nikka manages to fritter away two wages forex trading. As the old man of the team, Nikka will be irresponsible for keeping the Dingbats in an orderly way, seeing they don't get up to any mischief, and arrive at the ground in the right mentally and physically in the right shape. Who will keep an eye on Nikka, we don't know.
He's retaaarded. Zulu, a.k.a. Daniel Windcheater, alias Daniil Mugenski, likes to keep a low online profile. Just a few minor hurdles for Daniil to overcome and he'll be here: track down the dodgy bloke that owes him his flash money, move the family back to Japan and abandon them days later, and the small issue of needing a passport. He didn't always used to be a freak.
Another recruit from the Japanese province of Adelaide, silver fox Edward Kerhsaw goes by the nickname of "Fast Eddie", which may have something to do with long-forgotten 1990s express pace, or how quickly the ageing body is falling apart. Potential to land one on the pitch or sail one over the boundary unknown, but expect him to add some fuel to the Dingbats- probably rocket fuel. A virgin, a lad, a potential trouble maker, expect to see some fast public displays of affection involving Spank The Monkey. Pictured here using his cat as a Tinder magnet.
Older, slower, deafer and blinder, but hardly unexpectedly, none the wiser, Curly will again inflict himself on the Sixes. Claims that he enjoyed last year's abridged Chiang Mai cricket without the vodka haze should be judged against just how munted he spends the week. His ability to bat and bowl the Dingbats into finals contention is however invaluable: the more he plays the opening round, the lower the Dingbats place.
International man of mystery, Matt Bray is a top secret secret agent masquerading as a happy go lucky confirmed bachelor abroad. When not drone striking Iranian miltary facilities for his Mossad handlers, Matt flutters from tropical beach to tropical beach. The Ukraniain conflict and tensions in the Middle East mean that Secret Agent Bray is unable to confirm or deny his presence at this year's Sixes.
The one-time baby-faced assassin returns to Chiang Mai, 20-something years young, 7 foot tall and still sporting that goofy haircut. Having wasted his vast sporting talents on that round ball game, Maxi's cricket hopefully won't have suffered from his being in the UK these long, dark years. Dingbats will be desperately hoping to benefit from his talent on the field, and bask in his reflected glory after dark.
A young man with a big heart, or just a big man with a young heart? Like most Dingabts, all of Shovels' stories, on and off the field, begin with "once upon a time....." Nothing known about which side of the boundary they happened, but apparently -back in the day- he made some big scores for the "Gators". Gators is of course short for "instigators", and form guide suggests big/young Nick will be instigating a lot. Judging by the gleam in his eyes there, we can expect to see Shovels do his best work long after stumps.
Vagrant travel agent and highly sus individual, Paul Jeffels spent 3 long covid years with Spank The Monkey. Spank The Monkey is one of Jeffels favourite things. So fond of Spank The Monkey is PJ, he shared Spank The Monkey with a young street urchin. The Dingbats too believe that sharing is caring, and the team that plays together stays together. We look forward to seeing PJ spank balls all around the Gymkhana.
When the big man is not hitting a big six, he's building some big, big infrastructure, like the world's biggest battery down in South Australia. You'd think keeping the lights on and the city of Adeliade running would be enough to earn Richo a leave pass, but alas, we are yet to confirm his attendance. If you need anything big built in South Australia, look up Peter at SubStruct Civil & Electrical.