The biggest squad to depart Japan since December 7th 1941, while not overflowing with talent, is overflowing with numbers. The rag-tag Tokyo Dingbats are complimented this year by the Tokyo Oyajis, and older selection of Japan and Japan-adjacent cricketers.
A 50th birthday in June was good enough an excuse for a number of lapsed tourists to dust off their kit bags and passports. Infrequently seen species like Dino, Zulu and Bob will booster the usual regulars like Nikka, Maxi and Curly. Add to that a gaggle of virgins and half of Adelaide, and who knows what to expect. It will be interesting to see how Curly holds up in the second fine session of the day, or more to the point, see who holds Curly up.
As Shakespeare once said, “some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have small, green monkeys thrust upon them.”
SPONSORED BY theshovel.com.au and DJ BAR
-
Andrew Hall
A stalwart of the Dingbats for longer than any can remember, Nikka’s the man you need whether it’s salvaging an innings or when team-mates are in need of a wheelchair. Has rescued a few Dingbats from themselves over the years, but sadly nobody returns the favour. Can fiddle your taxes with one hand and trade CFDs with the other, all while driving a fully-loaded semi. Quite the metaphor.
-
Daniel M
Zulu. He’s retaarded. His brain- and this will become obvious- doesn’t work like normal people’s. You say “Thailand”, he thinks “Hoodoo Gurus”. You say “cricket”, he thinks “guitar”. Both hyper-intelligent and dumb as dogshit ,everything about the man is unpredictable, except one: he’ll dominate Spank The Monkey.
-
Eddie Kershaw
Fast Eddie does not bowl 155kph inswingers, or hold a string of state athletics records. Fast Eddie is not a card shark or a race driver. No, Fast Eddie is just a really fucking slow learner. Witness him at work playing Rookie Error Bingo in the slammer sessions. Has more ducks than hamstrings, and more hamstrings than runs. Make sure the beer’s cold enough.
-
Ian Gason
Despite the extra manpower in the Tokyo party, nobody thought to hide Curly’s passport under a pillow, put a sign on him and wheelchair him out to pasture. Curly now compliments his mid-life crisis hair-do with a pair of meth-dealer sunglasses, so the red sports car can’t be far off. Self-appointed fine-master and captain, expect to see him fielding in the shade all week, and contribute nothing with bat or ball.
-
Max Coombes
Multi-lingual multi-talented bowler/keeper/opening bat/golfer/vaper, Maxi is deep in the grown-up world of work these days. Still finds time to show the Dingbats how it’s done, on the pitch, on the golf course, on the town. While luckily he got his cricket skills from his Mum, he sadly got his dancing skills from his Dad.
-
Nick Stepancich
Shovels is a concreter, which may explain his footwork. A jukebox with a beard, but with no volume control, he’ll be going toe to toe with Dino to see who can be the loudest. However, he’d be hard pressed to be more obnoxious than Dino. Hoping some of these blow-ins and throw-backs from yesteryear can keep wickets.
-
Paul Shackleford
Dragged away from the Thai beaches for the second year running, Shax is hoping his hamstrings hold up as well as his famously perfect hair. A teacher by trade and guru by nature, Shax is equally at home discussing baroque architecture or the demise of the Adelaide Crows, finer points of adverbial phrases of time or Caribbean fast bowlers of the 1970s. Not afraid of curried river slugs, but seemingly averse to small green monkeys.
-
Peter Richardson
Failed to have much, if any, impact in the Dingbats 2024 Plate defence, and many quietly blame his lack of runs in the final for the shock loss. The fact that he was in Athens at the time is no excuse- you can’t win if you don’t turn up. After a year’s absence, Richo will be turning it up, down Loi Kroh, maybe even at Spicey, and hopefully 10 rows back over cow corner.
-
Phil Walker
After a decade’s absence, Tokyo’s most famous hair-do returns with an armful of excuses and body full of ailments. There’s plenty of cricketing talent under Bob’s dreadlocks, if only we can coax the old cripple over the boundary line. Expect all those physical limitations to disappear around sunset. Bob may have a few tips for Dingbats pursuing wildlife around Loi Kroh- he’s married to an elephant trainer.
-
DJ BAR
Thanks to Graham and Ramida, DJ Bar will be Dingbats and Oyajis HQ again this year. The Tokyo gents can be found there most evenings, reliving glory days and rewinding the days games over a refreshing beverage or two. Pool tables, tunes, tall stories and cold drinks.
-
Peter Hosking
Smoker made a big impression at his first appearance- mainly the impression of his arse made on the eski. Has a knack for fucking up flights- boarding time, departure time, days and dates- it’s all a bit much, although, to be fair, it’s always someone else’s fault. Probably the only batsmen to walk for a stumping even before it happened, Smoker’s only coming back to Chiang Mai now that the Porn Ping has closed and they have no way of chasing him up for that unpaid bill.
-
The Shovel
www.theshovel.com.au
News you can believe in. Unlike The Australian, this satirical website doesn't rely on taxpayer handouts. Like News Corp, we just make shit up and call it news. The Shovel is proud to sponsor The Tokyo Dingbats in 2025.
"An amusing, humorous website," Senator James Patterson
