A motley assortment of idiots, ruffians and fools. Armadillos are described as flea-infested, addled good-for-nothing vermin. That may be but they are also cuddly, fun and friendly. A gathering of Armadillos (a 'CHAOS') is generally merriment and tomfoolery with some tears. They are usually very thirsty and a bit hard and horny (except when very young or full of liquid refreshment). If you're in their company you won't forget it. Or maybe you will!!
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Blikkies Blignaut (Monster) aka G
We are very worried about our Monster. Since getting married last year he has shown some very girly tendencies: posting pictures of sunsets, sunrises, landscapes and images of hearts in the sand on social media. His favourite film is now FROZEN and he has also professed undying love but not to (a) The Armadillos (b)A Sports Team. We have changed his theme song to Gaye and he shall henceforth bear the moniker ‘G’. Will this affect his game? If he starts to play leg glances the answer is yes!!
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Gary Darbyshire aka Gaz
Like the county Gaz has his peaks and troughs. He likes to trough and gets peaky. As in the Mrs Robinson film he prefers his women mature but not smelly like cheese. The cheese is added later. Unfortunately his performance is usually hampered by alcohol so much so that as he limps sadly awaay in the morning they call after him 'Camping Gaz'.!!
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Graham Doggett aka Doglet
Return of the DOG! ChiangMai has missed him and so have the Armadillos. Everyone’s favourite puppy; speaking of which he’s brought his own with him!! Will he be let off the leash? Or will he be in the Doghouse? Will he be a poodle or the Dog’s Bo**ks? Will he score more runs than he gives away in wides? All these questions and more to be answered.
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Kevin Antonio aka King Prawn
Has grown his hair to look like the image above! What a Muppett!! A Superstar in his own lunchtime; are the years catching up? Have the legs gone? Does a bear s**t in the woods? Will nevertheless give his all (which isn’t very much) and hopes to lead the Dillos to another Great Success (daily coups notwithstanding).
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Neil HUTCHISON: aka Biff aka Mr Grumpy aka Mr Sparkle
Not currently selected for the Dillos elite team due to a sudden drop in form (over the last ten years). Is there anything left in the tank? We shall see. Perhaps he’s still in shock after the infamous flying cottage pie incident. He is not yet over the shocking waste of grey meat and gravy covered by tasteless synthetic potato. His car was damaged in that rampage and he has had to replace it with a Mondeo. He may be looking for local solace….
Apparently thinks Mr Sparkle is appropriate for him?
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Nick TURNBULL: aka Nicky T
Thumbman has tended his camel all winter and is looking forward to midnight at the oasis (Chipmunk’s). Another who is getting married soon and like G above is already showing his feminine side. A reliable source tells us he has a picture on his wall of him clutching his camel and staring romantically into the distant sunset. Hope he doesn’t get the hump.
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Paul Cousens aka Patrick
Has a similar haircut to the great 80s TV star and his favourite cricket shot just happens to be ‘the Mow’. Very underrated batsman and when bowling his ‘slower ball’ is virtually indistinguishable from his ‘quickie’ (which he is very fond of!!). When not sleeping, Adidas-man will be scouring the local markets for fashionable sports clothing and genuine designer watches.
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Peter Watson aka Old Git
OG has been approached to advertise a new toothpaste; it comes out of the tube very slowly and has crunchy bits in it (rather like his false teeth). During his heyday he had the girls at his …er… feet. Sandie Shaw particularly liked the taste of chipolata. Now that’s all a distant mammary. Pete was dealt a good hand but he’s left with a five of clubs and a pair of twos!! Nevertheless he’s carried on looking for the ideal woman…….still breathing!!!!!!!!
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Rob Watkins aka Beef aka Rocky
Likes grazing lazily in the outfield and is not keen to be woken up by chasing the ball. ‘Sleeping Beef‘ is a well-known local delicacy especially after lunch and his Dillette Ren is a Beefeater of some repute.
STOP PRESS: In a startling recent incident Beef reprised the role of Rocky Balboa; cue theme music "Eye of the Thai Girl". Donning his cape and underpants he flew to the rescue thus defeating the forces of evil!! (Sorry about mixing the characters)
Arise Sir Beef Wellington.
