Old father time seems to be catching up with the Taverners this year. A smaller team for us filled with ageing frames, aching bones and sore shoulders, we wouldn’t miss the Chiang Mai Sixes for love or money. Looking forward to catching with friends old and new, reacquainting ourselves with Ong and her crew at the bar, and as ever giving it a red hot crack out on the ground.
As The Panther says, “…The team that pulls together……comes together…”
-
Damain "Nuttsy" O'Hara
Hard core Taverner with a taste for, well, anything and everything. His extensive studies of Onomastics, Anthroponomy & Etymology has led to his embrace of the sobriquet “Zeus”. Yeah……, whatever Nutsy. A very keen cricketer, great team man and friend to alcoholics the world over, he is also the team’s ‘keeper. It is the consequent mania of playing this position to which he blames the colossal trail of carnage and ruination inevitably left in his wake – and that’s before he gets on his scooter.
-
Dave "Coonak" Cooney
Sent in to open the batting for his very first game of cricket ( he’s 52 ) on a recent tour of Sri Lanka , this knuckle had scored, after about an hour or so, three excruciating runs then casually wandered off the field, apparently just a bit bored with the whole show. Not sure he really “gets” the game. Truth be told, we’re all a bit worried about him. Now known as Coonak, the result of an unspeakable incident down at Scratcher’s sandpit.
-
Glen "Scratcher" O'Brien
Scratcher, son of Itchie, likely picked up his nom de guerre for spending an absurd amount of time scratching around in the dirt in his giant sandpit, mostly for no apparent reason at all. There was talk of a failed tattooist career, but no. Many of us are hoping this is the year he at last refrains from his naked shenanigans around the pool, I mean seriously Glen, enough’s enough. Of course, it’s just this mindless enthusiasm that makes him the consummate Taverner he is. Hard to imagine a Changers tour without this guy leading us all astray.
-
Ish "Ishy" Khan
Ish is a fantastic inclusion to the Tav’s touring party for the 2017 tournament. Nuttsy has a rival this year for the man with the most beautiful hair. Don’t be fooled by Ish’s diminutive stature as he has been known to bowl some thunderbolts at times. Also answers to the name Darling… Welcome aboard Ishy….
-
John "Langers" Langham
Langers has apparently been kicked out of Australia for various alarmingly colourful Visa violations. Rumoured to be cooling his heels in New Zealand, so clearly none too bright – will make a great Taverner. Oddly, no one will admit to ever having met the guy, but with that kind of shit going on he sounds like a ripper bloke to me, hope he gets here.
-
Michael "Shawbo" Shaw
Shawbo is an absolutely fantastic addition to the tour party. Often compared to Dennis Lillee, not because of his fearsome bowling but because of his 1970's full buttoned white cricket shirt. One thing that is guaranteed is that Shawbo will find space in his suitcase for at least one beautifully crafted blazer. Shawbo is possibly more suited to a 5 day test than the frenetic pace of the 6's, we will see... Welcome on board mate.
-
Ryan "Keg on Legs" Carmody
After his routine 17 pre noon cans, most of the hullabaloo that comes out of Carmo is gibberish. Or maybe Greek. Who knows…….? Υπάρχει ένα βιβλίο που τρέχει αυτό το έτος για να δείτε πόσες νύχτες της εβδομάδας ο ένας κάνει πίσω στο Ping. Τα χρήματα μου είναι στο 2. Ακούω υπάρχουν μερικά πονταρίσματα που επιπλέουν γύρω από το τι ο ίδιος πραγματικά θα κοιμηθείτε σε ένα σαλόνι μπανάνα στο Gymkhana, το δάπεδο του Tulip ......
Up for anything, quick with the banter, one of those Nutters who freely gives of his time to manage clubs and associations – we’re all pretty happy and thankfull he does, but we don’t get it either.
-
Tristram "Rowdy" Fletcher
Despite the unfortunate and confronting manner in which the reality of “khatoey” was thrust upon him last year , old swivel hips has thankfully saddled up for another tour. Never one to shy away from a dance off, Rowdy remains one of the team’s better and most valued players, easily the youngest and fiercely protective of his position as team chatterbox. Sadly, we are without our pro level listener this year (Coylie), hence the team are all a bit jittery how Rowdy’s incessant babbling is going to impact performance.
-
Al "Cheese" Field
President, CEO and Supreme Commander of the Weinergrinder group of companies, this guy is one of the most liked and popular players (sic) on tour. When not climbing trees, imitating gorillas and the odd turtle, or pontificating over what he believes are the injustices that befell his beloved Bombers, he can often be found honing his palavering technique with some poor witless sod who’s had the misfortune of entering his realm. A recent career change to French Polisher has to date proven rather less than successful - hence the moniker “Weinergrinder”. He loves to chat about it, go ask him.
-
David "Big Dave" Statham
*Tour Virgin Alert**
Dave is a popular member of the touring party to Chiang Mai this year. He has a great ability to listen, this will make him the perfect replacement for Coylie... That's where the comparison ends........ Has lived a life in his brother Jason's shadow, so please don't mention it to him. Fantastic pianist (did I say that right?) hoping to perform in the lounge of the Porn Ping from time to time... Welcome aboard Big Dave.
-
Dorothy "Mrs Nuttsy" O'Hara
Point blank refuses to stay at the Ping – smart woman. Heart & Soul of the touring party……. Easily our favourite Tav....
-
John "Itchie" O'Brien
In 2015 I wrote the following:
“Itchie, father of Scratcher, self-proclaimed pants man and raconteur, can always be relied upon for a good story, whether you want to hear one or not. Best not left unsupervised anywhere near a horse; famous for the highly unusual “double slap” when entering a swimming pool. Failure to observe the state imposed exclusion zone of at least two metres at all times will induce in the victim an infuriating itch, primarily of the nipple.”
Nothing’s changed.
-
Peter "Wanny" Wann
A vastly experienced campaigner, rumour has it Wanny was at the MCG to see Bradman clout his first ton against the Poms. A wise and affable chap, known as the arbiter of reason on tour, some idiot last year gave him a rubber chicken. Without so much as a peep he now just silently sits there, crumbs all over the place, waiting. If you should utter that which meets with his displeasure – BANG – rubber chicken to the face.
-
Pink Panther
The brains of the touring party, If you see him out at night, don't be shy come and say hello...
-
Shaun "Shreck" Hilton
Team speedster, this guy can really get up and boogie. At full throttle old Shrek can occasionally experience a bit of instability, has a few problems with speed humps every now and then too. Past tours have shown a daily dose of two packs of fags, a bottle of Vodka and a nice clean pile of sweat towels usually smooths things out for him though. Always cool in a crisis, his soothing and temperate tones have thwarted certain catastrophe, and probable incarceration, for many a Taverner over the years. Organises rooms for us at the hotel, I still can’t figure out why my room had no furniture last year, no bed, nothing!!
