We left it up to the wives to write the profiles this year...
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Lain Davison
And here we observe the mystical creature DavoSAPAtoreus, a strange species known to leave his mate and offspring and migrate once a year to lands far away to meet other species of his kind. Occasionally when the summer has been bountiful he is known to take his mate and offspring on the journey, so that they may observe his battles and bravery, but this is somewhat of a rare occurrence.
When visiting the jungles of Chiangmai DavoSAPAtoreus is often known to habitat with a particular species similar in kind but somewhat smaller and pale, MortoSAPAtoreus. Some say they travel to the jungles of Chiangmai to hunt Beaver and Armadillos, dazzling them with their prowess in the dance of the red ball and bat, others believe it is to lead their species in a battle known to all in the animal kingdom simply as wibbly wobbly.
Whatever the reason, once arriving in the jungles of Chiangmai the SAPAtoreus is known to shed their usual skin for a more attractive and dazzling watermelon fur. Wiley in nature, the SAPAtoreus is revered by all in the jungle as they use an amber liquid to lull beavers and armadillos into their nightly lair in the hope to weaken their reflexes so that they may be victorious at day break in battle.
At the end of a tiring week, the DavoSAPAtoreus refuels on suckling pigs to make the long journey home to his natural habitat, battered and bruised and ready to regale his triumph to his offspring in the hope that they too will take up the challenge in years to come.
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Mark Johnson
Mark Johnson is a lounge room cricketer, plays best while piloting the recliner rocker.
He likes a slow ball on a fast wicket, a bowl of ice cream or better yet an ice cream Sunday with nuts.
Loves tropical climates too - can't wait to start sweating it up in the steamy Thai climate.
Will be sure to bing his wife home a lovely gift (hint hint).
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Matt finch
After trying to drink the 'Floggers and Robbers' bar dry in 2015, Matthew will be returning this year to see what the start of the tournament is all about.
Being one of the only 'medium' on the 2016 team, Matthew aims to improve on the 3 runs he scored in-front of his family last year, who flew all the way for this pitiful effort.
He looks forward to a good week with new and old friends - and has no aspirations for the Alan Border prize this year.
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Neil Morton
The White Morto is back for his 11th consecutive tour amongst the Bronzed Antipodeans of SaPa who have bravely stumbled out of their local watering hole to willingly follow the irresistible flashes of his pale legs towards the field of cricketing glory.
Spectators and fellow competitors ought to be made aware that the White Morto usually likes to catch the ball with his head and is attempting to push his family of ducks into double figures.
After hours the White Morto does get a bit fruity with a watermelon and likes a late night (ahem, sorry, early morning) snack of dried squid to prepare for his next encounter with leather and willow - hopefully both while he is batting.
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Peter Wells
After touring many moons ago as a larger than life member of the SAPA team, finally (after years of recovery) the big marn is back!
He has been itching to get his hands on that infamous pork dinner, oops I mean itching to get back on the cricket pitch to show off his superb running style between wickets.
Wellsy has been in heavy training leading up to the big event, devouring man shake after man shake to get himself in tip top condition for the gruelling 7 minute matches.
I’m sure he will make a huge impact on the SAPA team this year, unfortunately may not be the kind of impact they are looking for, however we will have to wait & see.
Good luck fellow tourists & competitors, 1 week with Wellsy is enough to last you a life time!
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Troy Meguerditchian
Women want him. Men want to BE him. His love of op-shops and Aldi bargains is legendary. Rumour has it that Cash Converters showed slight interest in sponsoring his tour this year.
Some say he's terrified of ducks, and that there's an airport in Russia named after him. Some say that all his pot plants are called Steve. And that he has a life-size tattoo of his face...on his face.
All we know is, he's called Mego, and he's back for 2016. And this time, he's going to do his darndest to not break a rib on a poorly-constructed Slip 'n' Slide, or fall backwards over a boundary fence into his own wee.