THE TOKYO OYAJIS have crawled out from under the blankets and got off their rocking chairs to celebrate once-a-decade tourist Steve Burke’s 50th birthday.
Many of these Oyajis are from the ol’ school Tokyo Wombats line up of 2002. Others are joining the Oyajis via Langwarrin where Steve began his long journey to the Gymkhana. There may be a few good cricketers lurking deep in there, but that will be negated by a lack of Chiang Mai experience. A pre-tour training camp in Bangkok will unearth a few friends for Tokyo’s little green primate, Spank.
“OYAJI” is a casual term that can mean “father” in Japanese, but is generally used to mean old man. It can be both endearing (ramen oyaji, ramen master) or less than complimentary (eroi oyaji, dirty old man). We are reasonably sure there’s no ramen cooks in this line-up.
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Aaron Baleisis
Aaron Baleisis has never threatened a club president or done The Full Marty, but given his Quiet Achiever status, expect that run of poor form to end. Like all good Dingbats/Oyajis Azza comes ready-injured with related excuses primed to go. While once a genuine quick and handy with the bat, this week it will be his capacity to consume alcohol without ending up in a wheelchair, naked or arse-first in eski which makes him stand out from his team-mates.
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Alex Koolhof
As a country boy from Tasmania, Alexander always dreamed of riding in a real locomotive train, and his dream took him all the way to Japan. After a decade back down under of Down Under, the bright lights and big city sights could trigger The Russian. Excitable after a few cold beverages, expect to see him hand in hand with Spank The Monkey. Also known as The Body, he once claimed 8th prize in a Glenn McGrath look-a-like competition.
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Courtney Jones
Chuckie’s return calls for Champagne! Several people are still traumatised by Chuckie’s only tour, 20 years ago, none more than Luke Ray, who copped an earful of his skipper. Will need a generous spray of WD40 to get things moving, but as they say: class is permanent, but form is temporary. And in Chiang Mai, Chuck has form! Behind many of the Most Infamous Dingbats Train Incidents, his ability to blur the lines between brilliance and disaster makes him a team MVP—most volatile player.
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Jarrad Shearer
Almost toilet-trained, Grumpy prides himself on shitting his pants in the toilet, and not the van. To be fair, he does suffer from two forms of IBS- Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Irritating Bloke Syndrome. Racked up his first fine for a Dummy Spit 14 months before the tour began, sooking about us celebrating a birthday which wasn’t his. Dino now coaches Japan’s Under-19 side in the finer points of a tea-pot and bat throwing.
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Kyal Hill
Keep an eye on your food when Hamburger Hill is around, and if it’s the last burger in the shop, don’t fight the inevitable- just give it to him. Pot plants- he’s been known to steal them, too. As a cunning linguist, Kyal does not like to see poor English on garments. Disrobing a stranger on a train and tossing his threads out of the door, regrettably, only ranks as the Third Most Infamous Dingbat Train Incident.
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Shane Jack
Shane Jack has been voted most likely to get married on tour. While it will probably be a source of disappointment for any bride to be, his work background will come in handy up Loi Kroh Rd: Hungry trains greyhounds. Despite being the slowest double-centurion in the Tokyo squad, Shane will bend your ear telling you all about the big game he played. Much like Jarrad Shearer, Hungry does not hold his tongue, which could make for interesting breakfast chat. Keep away from dart-boards and sharp objects.
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Steven Burke
Young Steven Burke often made the headlines with his exploits in the Mornington Peninsula Cricket Association. Older Burkey reckons his Langwarrin team-mates will grab the lime-light in Chiang Mai. He’s just playing down expectations. Holding a unique and prestigious cricketing trifecta- Japanese premiership, Chiang Mai trophy, and played at the MCG- Burkey also won the last race on The Japan Cup card at Fuchu Racecourse. His 50th birthday celebrations have brought a gaggle of Dingbats out of the woodwork, including, unfortunately, Jarrad.
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Ty Matthews
Another debutant from the Langwarrin part of Japan, recently separated Ty has been pegged as one to watch. Trainspotter and bus driver, expect to see Ty behind the wheel of a tuk-tuk or songtheau at some stage, and if you see him by the pool, be prepared to see more of him than you'd prefer. Known to gate-crash weddings in his birthday suit, at least he'll have a small green monkey to cover his manhood.
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DJ BAR
Thanks to Graham and Ramida, DJ Bar will be Dingbats and Oyajis HQ again this year. The Tokyo gents can be found there most evenings, reliving glory days and rewinding the days games over a refreshing beverage or two. Pool tables, tunes, tall stories and cold drinks.
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Peter Hosking
Smoker made a big impression at his first appearance- mainly the impression of his arse made on the eski. Has a knack for fucking up flights- boarding time, departure time, days and dates- it’s all a bit much, although, to be fair, it’s always someone else’s fault. Probably the only batsmen to walk for a stumping even before it happened, Smoker’s only coming back to Chiang Mai now that the Porn Ping has closed and they have no way of chasing him up for that unpaid bill.
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